Devotional: Week one, day two - Abraham
Today's reading was about Abraham and his connection to the three major monotheistic religions Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. None of this information was particualrly new or interesting to me in and of itself, but I was drawn into the metaphor that Kelly Monroe Kullberg and David Kullberg, today's authors, chose to use. Since God seperated the peoples of earth after the tower of Babel,
"he also planted the seed of a remarkable people who were asked to reject idolatry and live in love."
Live in love. Do I live in love? I certainly live surrounded by love. My family is one of the most tight knit groups I have ever encountered and I have luckily grown up loved, nurtured, and encouraged. (In fact, my parents are reading this blog and my father had to have a serious sit-down with me today to make sure I was not overwhelmingly depressed about my weight issues. Which I'm not, if anyone else is worried.) I try to surround myself with people who are positive and caring, although since theatre is a collaborative art form I don't always have the luxury of being too picky.
But that's only part of the deal. To really live IN love, I have to live love. Am I doing that? This is a hard question for me to answer. I have always prided myself on my ability to be accepting and caring; when asked during ice-breaker activities to describe myself in one words, I almost always choose "empathetic." My natural instinct is to smother whoever is closest to me with affection, usually until they turn a deep shade of blue as many of my exs can attest to. But that is my instinct. I don't think there is nearly enough love in the world. One of my favorite quotes says:
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
I take that to heart.
Here's why this question is difficult for me. It comes from school. I am in a class of five first-year directing students and three of us are of the same 22/23 age range. Of these three, I am the only female and occasionally I feel like this puts me at a disadvantage. These guys are harsh critics and merciless mockers and although we all like each other and they don't single me out usually, I feel like there is a part of them that looks down on how I run my life and therefore my rehearsals. I came from an undergraduate environment where the whole department felt like a family, including the strange cousins you never talk to. But even those students I had some connection to because we were all part of this experience. I try to make every production I work on feel like a little family, I make a point of being friendly if not becoming friends with my actors. I feel like this makes me seem soft and perhaps undertrained? I'm not sure. But because of this, I can feel myself changing to suit them (which, after all, is what I'm really good at) and trying to become more harsh and openly judgemental.
So do I live in love? I suppose so. I certainly have before and I would like to continue to do so. So my challenge for this upcoming semester is to find a way to still have an edge as student and director without losing my sense of self. To live in love.